4th & Long: Rangers put on a thriller, finish regular season 8 - 0
The Smithson Valley Rangers, Freshmen Blue Team, closed out the regular season with another lopsided victory over the Blanco Panthers on Saturday in front of a raucous home crowd at Jumbo Evans Sports Complex. Although this was a new opponent on a new day with new challenges, the final score was nothing new. It was rinse and repeat for a confident Rangers team that once again pitched a shutout, posting a 33-0 win. Same exact score as last week. Heck, it might as well be the same score for seven out of their eight wins on the season. It’s as if Head Coach/Offensive Coordinator/Defensive Coordinator Scott Shepperd is trying to play out the state championship game that he missed out on back in ’82 because his grandma took a spill on the sand dunes and broke her coccyx. We are told Coach Shepperd could throw the pigskin a quarter mile.
The Rangers opened up the scoring on the second play from scrimmage when the pink sleeve of Boston “Moolay” French connected with Jackson “Jackie-san” Wiatrek for a 55-yard bomb. That’s when the flurry of firsts started to rain down on Jumbo Evans Sports Complex. Following the dazzling touchdown pass from French, The Rivers McInnis smashed his way into the endzone for the PAT (point after try), his first career points scored. McInnis, aka Big Red, would not be denied, as he ran alongside two or three defenders, looking like a fireball through the heart of the Panther defense to make it 7 - 0. “I’ve really been focusing on my conditioning, taking it seriously. You can ask the coaches; I don’t stand still when Coach says, ‘get on the line!’.” McInnis said. “I think that extra focus on conditioning really helped me to punch it in from the 3-yard line. I also got new gloves. The new gloves might have done it actually.”
Just before halftime, Hunter “Cinco” Bailey scored his first career touchdown on a tough 6-yard scamper to make it 20 - 0. Bailey, fighting through a facemask at the goal line and several insults from the defense, took the handoff from Boston “Moolay” French to the right side and bounced it outside towards the pylon for the touchdown. “I don’t really understand why they don’t give me the ball more. Good things happen with the ball in my hands. I’m either gonna score a touchdown or recover a fumble.” Bailey said while receiving treatment in the medical tent. “I planned to griddy my way to the endzone, but this is the first of many touchdowns. Book it.” he continued before addressing the trainer. “It was a hot one out there, Kathy. Do you have any of those ice chips I like?” he said before putting his Beats back on and resuming the episode of Bluey on his iPad.
Then came halftime. Halftime brought on a new tradition, another first. Because much like the movie Drumline, halftime is game time. The players and coaches joined their cheerleaders for a fresh take on the late Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ dance. Proving that the Ranger’s athletic ability is good for more than just football. The performance was flawless. Sending the crowd of dozens on their feet. John Barna perfectly maneuvering the side-to-side shimmy with the stand-up clap was the class of the show. “I really had to coach these guys up on the steps. We had a couple group FaceTime sessions to get them up to my level.” Barna said. “With my martial arts background and 2 years of lessons at Rhythm in Motion, this wasn’t much of a challenge for me. I was gonna start pelvic thrusting, but I didn’t want to run laps.” However, the star of the show was Coach Ed Bailey. With no practice whatsoever, Coach Bailey proved to be every bit of the dancer of Raygun, the Australian Olympic breakdancer. “I have a poster of Raygun in my garage. I’ve idolized her ever since the summer.” Coach Bailey said. “I don’t typically like the constraints of a choreographed piece. I’m more of a b-boy freestyle guy. But that performance has me pretty hype. I’m officially starting my training for the 2028 Summer Olympics in L.A., in the event they bring it back.”
The team was able to compose themselves after that halftime performance and finish off the win. But not before Jacob “Juice” Owens found his way to the endzone for his first career points. “The Juice got loose, baby!” Owens said with a big smile on his face. “Coach wouldn’t let me keep the ball for my trophy case though.”
Rivers McInnis and Hunter Bailey walked away with the JJYD (joint junkyard dog) belt. Another first. The good news is they can both fit into the belt together.
The Smithson Valley Rangers, Freshmen Blue Team, finished the regular season outscoring their opponents 251 - 24. That is a differential of 227 points. A four-touchdown average margin of victory. Eight out of the 12 who are eligible to carry the football have scored a touchdown at some point during the regular season. Three or the remaining four eligible players carried the ball into the endzone for a conversion. The one player who did not score had 102 yards rushing on the season. If that didn’t make you say the words ‘wow’, ‘impressive’, or ‘poor Riffle’ out loud, under your breath, or just in your head, then you probably have never coached a competitive sports team. With that rundown of stats, it’s easy to see why this team finished as the regular season HCYFL (Hill Country Youth Football League) Freshmen division champs with a perfect 8 - 0 record.
The focus now shifts to the playoffs. No room for error. No time for halftime performances. It’s time to update the ’82 state championship memory with a HCYFL Freshmen division championship.